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The Day My Brother Died – Coping with Cannabis

October 17th 2019

I wrote this article on the plane on the way to Hawaii a few months after my brother passed away. I haven’t been able to release it until now.

It was the week after Valentine’s Day 2019. I was so focused on business and pissed off at my girlfriend I had at the time that I didn’t want to talk to anyone except my employees.

My little brother Jared and I lived together. At 27 years old he was struggling with money and I would give him money here and there to eat in exchange for work. He would pack prerolls and package 8ths when I needed it done.

Tuesday February 19th. Usually Tuesdays are straight business, no fucking around and total focus. I needed prepolls packed ASAP and Jared was at work, so I began to pack them as I watched Peaky Blinders. I remember opening my drawer and finding a fake million-dollar bill and I pinned it to my wall. Jared came home from work and came into my room with his dog Rocky and asked why I’m packing the prepolls. I don’t like when his dog used to come in my office because it’s a sanitary environment. I can’t have any dog hair in my weed for my patients. He started messing around with Rocky and I told the both to get the fuck out of here. After that he took a shower like he usually does after work, he came in and asked me for $20 to go get something to eat. I threw it at him, and it landed on the floor and he picked it up.

After he got back home, he came back in my room and said, “You’re still not done with those?”. And again, he was riling Rocky up and being hella loud. I told them both to get the fuck out. Little did I know those were going to be the last words I said to him.

While I was watching Peaky Blinders, I paused it for a second. Days later I would recall this noise that I’ve never heard before. It was a fizzing bubbling noise. I stopped for a second and looked at Rocky sitting next to my door. Rocky whined because he was hungry, and I got up to feed him. While I was scooping his food, I noticed next to the container that he threw up. I figured that bubbling noise was him throwing up in the kitchen. Which doesn’t make sense. I fed Rocky and then walked back to my room. Jared’s room was right next to my bedroom and office. He was face down laying with his arms up. I figured that he was sleeping like he always does after work, every single day. I went back to packing prerolls. A few hours went by and it was time for me to go water the plants and my grow site. Jared was still on his bed in the same position. I was in a hurry like always and figured he was still sleeping. Before I left, I went into his room and just looked to see if he was breathing. I couldn’t tell because his TV was on. And I have never seen anyone not breathing. I left. At the time I had cannabis plants in their 5th week of flower. It usually takes me an hour to water them but this time it took an hour and a half because the PH got fucked up. At the same time, I was watering I was texting my friend Brandon. A few times during the week I go to his house and we work on the computer and have a scotch till about midnight.

I planned on going to his house after I watered the plants. Because this watering took longer, I was in a rush. I went back home, and Jared is still laying there. I went in my room, grabbed my laptop and backpack, took a hit out of the bong, and continued to leave the house. But I went in Jared’s room first to wake him up.

I said “Jared”. Then a little louder” Jared!”. Then Screamed it, “JARED!”. At the same time, I pushed his leg and it was dead cold. I threw my backpack off screaming and turned him over. There was bloody puss and bubbly liquid coming out of is nose and mouth. He was blue, stiff. I immediately called 911. One ring, Two, rings (I’m screaming), Three rings, WHAT THE FUCK. The dispatcher answers and I yell to her what is happening. I then pulled him off the bed to the ground and proceeded to give him CPR without the mouth to mouth. His jaw wouldn’t open. Even if it did I wouldn’t of been able to because I don’t know what the fuck was in his system. As I do compressions the liquid is pouring out of his mouth and nose into his eyes and onto the carpet. Between all of this I had to get Rocky outside and unlock the front door so the cops and paramedics can come in. I’m still pumping him, and I feel his ribs crack. The paramedics show up and I yell “Down the hall!”. They come rushing in and I didn’t notice then, but the look on their face was “he’s a goner”. I proceeded to give him CPR and asked them if I’m doing it right. I had learned it many times, but I wasn’t up to date. They said, “Yes but we need to drag him to the kitchen”. As soon as they dragged him, they check his signs. One of the officers told me to sit down. “He’s been gone for a while.” As in hours. While I was packing prerolls, while I was watering the plants.

I stared at the officer in the eyes with a blank stare. Not even crying. Not knowing what the fuck to do. I texted Brandon “Jared’s dead come now” and texted my girlfriend “Jared’s dead come now”. At this point All I can do is stare at my 27-year-old little bother, my best friend, dead. Arms in the air, stiff. I didn’t know how to explain this to my mom and dad. The officer said take your time, I said fuck that I need to tell them now. I called my older brother Josh first. I told him something bad happened to Jared and he’s dead you need to tell mom and dad and get over here. My older brother has seen death many times over in the Marines. But this was different.

I can hear my girlfriend screaming outside. No one was aloud in the house, since this is considered a homicide the cops begin to open cabinets and ask me questions. I had CBD and THC oil in jars with a thousand empty capsules. They question me and I tell them I have a licensed delivery and my lawyer can confirm it. They didn’t care about the weed. Minutes later I hear my mom yelling and barging in the door screaming and kicking the cops. She sees Jared and drops to the floor hysterical. I said, “Mom c’mon let’s go outside we have to wait.” As I walk outside, I see my Brandon, my girlfriend, my Dad and his girlfriend. I shake my head. Everyone’s in shock. My neighbors that are good friends come out and then Jared’s ex-girlfriend showed up. She was in shock as well. Rocky had been barking nonstop waking the neighbors up, so I put him in my car. Now we had to wait for the Alameda County Coroners to come pick up the body. They are so busy it took about an hour and a half. Once they finally got there they asked if we wanted to see him one last time. I told everyone that they shouldn’t because it’s not a good sight to see. My mom insisted and my dad and Brandon walked in the house. Jared was laying in the kitchen and my dad knelt down crying. He pushed on his chest and fluid came out and he laughed a little in shock.

The coroners zipped him up and took him away and the cops came up to me and said that there’s two doors locked, and they needed to check as precautions to make sure there’s no other dead bodies in the house. They said if I have a grow going on in there that’s totally fine. I said, “Yes, I have the 6 plant maximum I’m allowed to have.” It’s pretty funny because we went in the room and I said “OH!” the cop got scared. “The plants are sleeping they’re not allowed to have any light in here, but its fine for a second”. I opened the tent and he was blown back by the smell.

After they left, we all went in Jared’s room. The fucking powder was sitting on his desk. It was the whole time. The cops didn’t touch it. I opened it and it had a dime in it, I’m guessing to keep the powder from clumping or something. “Brandon what the fuck is this? It’s not coke we’d be able to smell the chlorine type smell it has”. We couldn’t tell what the fuck it was. After that we just had to try to calm down. That night my girlfriend, Rocky and I slept at my moms down the street. I couldn’t sleep, Rocky was whining. It was a fucking nightmare.

The next morning my moms friend knocked on the door and Rocky when wild barking. He’s not nice to people he doesn’t know and given the circumstances it wasn’t good timing. I pull Rocky outside and we go back home. I was so pissed and coming out of shock I threw a chair and it broke along with the blinds. The house was dead cold. No life in it. I turned the heater on and broke down crying. I hadn’t cried in 3-4 years at this point but this time it would come in waves over the next few weeks. It still does but not as frequent.

I had to let everyone know without telling the same fucking story 1,000 times. I texted everyone I could and told them to come to my house that night. A lot of our friends knew already, word got around fast. Everyone showed up. My house was full. I told everyone what exactly happened, but we could only guess what the substance was he snorted. The Coroners took months to get us the report and they’re pretty fucking ridiculous about taking their time.

A couple days after I had to release it on Facebook and start a GoFundMe. The amount of comments, messages, comments, calls, was very fucking overwhelming but appreciated more than I’ve ever appreciated anything. We have the best friends and family we could asks for. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

We raised almost $19,000, most of that in one week. The service we had for Jared was so perfect and what he would have wanted. After that we had an after party at my house that was awesome. People flew in from all over the US to come support us and it was great seeing everyone.

The weeks have been a blur. I’m lucky to have such wonderful employees to take over then I need to take the time off. This shit doesn’t get easier when something like this happens, it gets harder every day. It was hard to accept the fact that the fizzing noise was by brother dying. I could of checked on him that second. I could of stopped to realize that if you lay on your stomach the position he was in, your arms go numb after a while. But with what was in that powder I don’t think he would have stood a chance. I can’t blame myself. It’s hard and will take a while.

About a month after Jared died, my grandpa died. He was old and ready to be with my grandma. It was different. Fast forward a few months and my uncle died out of nowhere. I’m still in shock over this year.

Jared never had a big drug problem until the last year. But I thought he was clean now. If I knew he was doing hard drugs I would have kicked his fuckin ass. He was a Top Hatter out of Hollister and his Chapter was against drugs. But if you go outside his chapter, it’s bad. Crank, speed, heroin, any drug you can fucking think of. He would do coke every weekend and we got in many fights over it. With the painkillers it was only sometimes. Then all the time. Stealing my grandpas and not giving a shit. He was taking Kratom to get off all that shit. I know Kratom isn’t as bad but it’s a painkiller and you shouldn’t be taking that shit every day. Every downer drug addict has the same complaint, their back hurts. I told him to go do yoga the pills aren’t going to do shit for him. I couldn’t tell that he never stopped taking them. And since all of the doctors are getting busted, he had to get what he could find. In this case, it was the deadliest of concoctions.

The Autopsy Report shows as follows:

1.     Pulmonary Adema

2.     Fentanyl                                     14 ng/ml

3.     Norfentanyl (generic)                7.7 ng/ml

4.     Morphine                                   8.6 ng/ml

5.     Tramadol                                   354 ng/ml

6.     O-desmethyl-tramadol              30 ng/ml

7.     Nordiazepam                             13 ng/ml

8.     Mitragyninen (Kratom)             121 ng/ml

Cause of Death: Multiple Drug Intoxication

We don’t know who sold it to him, we don’t really care. It was Jared that took it. The cops see this all the time, they didn’t do shit which isn’t surprising. The justice system is useless and beyond fucked up.

Jared didn’t pass away, he died. Straight up. You’d never think shit like this would happen to you. But it can. If you fuck around, you better check yourself real quick.

-Jeremy

me and my brother at a rave
Jared and I at a rave
jared any my uncle rob
Uncle Rob and Jared
pitbul gernam shephard
Rocky
jared lowrider
The day before
harley dyna
His last ride

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